Getting Closer To My Goals, One Step At A Time

Ten years I waited to get this chance. Getting all my certifications out the way and will have ten by the end of this year. No games, all I ever wanted is happening slowly but surely. Rough start this morning though, but all well and got a 100 on my exam. Only studied an hour and knowing how you learn things helps. Discipline too. Ignoring the distractions which I can thank my tutor in grammar school for teaching me is paramount for my ADHD ass.

Yesterday "Mama D's" car broke down and while going towards her to stay with her till someone came, she says to me do not stress about her and go home to get ready for class. I apologized for not being able to help and then she said something that warmed my heart, "Eat a great breakfast and do well on your first day." Sometimes you are grown and get the attention you always wanted. Very humbling and so happy my mom also is singing the same tune too. She said something I never heard her say to me ever yesterday, after she too called me to check up on me. My mom said, "Worry about you and I just want you all to be able to support yourselves, do not worry about me." All my life I have been in a race to finish this and that to be there for them and them while drowning because of my decisions. Never looking at my own interests as top priority and as every time I crumbled, all my attempts up until then did too.

Very hard for me to not want to help. My dad once told me, "Nancy you will never be rich, you like to give too much to others before yourself. Ou pa gen Couer pou pa bay mem si ou pa geyen'l (You do not have the heart not to give even if you do not have it.)" That made me mad at time and cry because I wanted to put my mom and dad in their own place, start all my businesses, and just be a doctor in Jamaica or Bahamas getting paid in resources needed to live from the local patients. Yet goals on hold will be realized since now I have something I always wanted, stability. Still feel it will be ripped from under me and working hard to not let anything or anyone get in my way. Some just do things as a catalyst to more while going back to what their initial goal was. Many can tell you to do this and that, but are you paying my bills? Are you making sure I eat? Are you dealing with my unique dynamic as in life? Nope, so many who like to advise forget we all do not have the same life skills or nurture to make some paths easy. Just because one is down does not mean they did not paddle like hell towards all they still fell short of. So to have stability now and though way older is so humbling. Nice to see a goal being reached. Stability down and certification and more to go.