At times one like me would think to give up and then a email
asking for my information comes in. Then when the story is told it hits a cord
since the person is in the same situation as you. I am sucker to always give
help to all like me. Too many are in need of guidance and with all these
organizations about, why is there such a need? If so many are saying they take
up the charge, why the lack of help? My opinion, too many and I see this with a
client of mine want to be "Known" but not doing much to put a dent in
the disparities. Many watch what this client does and start their own org. Yet
many are not even qualified to be advising. How do you with no husband, kids
and life experiences share your truth to those you want to help? Where is your
connection?
What happen to the cause? Yes all want their initiative and
name to be known, yet the goal is to do what my client does. She shares her
truth with the youth she mentors no matter if her friends, family or immediate
social circle supports. Letting those you mentor know that this well put
together person in front of you has a story. One that is not said in a
prophetic ready to put in a post for a great read way. The real stuff that is
confided in another, that youth. Like me, I was molested and he did it from the
age of seven to sixteen. When many who can relate understand I too was ashamed
and blamed myself. You relive the why's through them who are telling you their
truth. Majority who were like me told and were silenced, the other travesty in
the shame game. I went to my parents and they too asked me to keep it in the
family. This is good for the girl who is angry to hear and see one like me that
is willing to claim the facts and show that I have done so much since. All
while I struggle with demons. No amount of therapy will erase what images come
to mind. Just help deal.
This is why those like one who got a hint from one of my
posts a few years back went doing a video. It was so fake to me. Like
suspected, no other mention the next year publicly as the first share about the
initiative? Like it was an opportunist move. The one thing, I did not go in
much more then FB vent because if it is her truth that would be the same as
those in my family who dismissed my feelings and many still do to this day. Many
have to do as I do, move away. For me it was listening to friends say it was
stupid for one to allow it. Yet many fail to understand that manipulation,
threats, and alienation make it easy. If you are always home with your abuser,
labeled trouble which they use to their advantage, and do not have a protective
father much can go well for the molester. A child is groomed to accept the
behavior that feels weird but who are they going to tell? Then when they do it
is all a secret to dispel so the family is not affected. So from a real talk
place ones mental is fucked up for a long time. Staying away during holidays
because the perpetrator is still around and no one cares to address is my
reason for the blow ups. Leaving you to deal with the emotions. One has to learn
what works for them.
For me, I just have music and my thoughts I write down as my
mind races. I have gotten into Crystal Healing. I go to the beach when thoughts
rattle me that are so depressing and let each wave going out take the hurt and
confusion away. Man, I started by going in and went into my truth. Yet, many
need to understand to really stop all their bashing of another and keep it to
the facts not the person. I have many I do not care for who perpetrate but much
is covered up because they are not ready to let the world know they are
homeless like I have been and have no qualms about sharing. Or my own sexual
abuse I let others know when pertinent to. Much of my avoidance in sharing is
because more than me was affected and will be effected. Yet, as years go by I
find as they do not care for my mental well being to heal, I do not care about
their rosy life they want to act like nothing happened in and think it is okay
to bring the perpetrators name up. It is like a slap in the face I must deal with
and I do. As I deal with all other domino effects due to my leaving and being outcast of the family. Many in it want to front while holding me to forgiving and forgetting a matter that has not been addressed. So my detached nature
actually protects me and why I do me.
Everyday I live my truth and share it with those who need to
hear it. I am not one making it my platform. I just will be that former driver
for an ex that talked to the girls I use to shuttle to the club, manage or take to
their private party. All of them would stop dancing or escorting just from the
conversations we would have. My ex was not too happy with the resignations,
lol. I felt good because many were into what they do because as I, they do not
put a value on sex as in emotional connection value. It is just an act as it was when
introduced at a young age. Perceptions. Their reply, "You do not act or
look like someone who has gone through all you have." Yes, because I am
not one to let emotions that I can detach from easily affect the matter at
hand. I can get a troubling piece of news and deal with it while I get back to what is at hand which can be work, building something or giving assistance to one.
This is one reason many around me feel I can take much. Yet
all the things I dealt with at a young age made me leave at seventeen and also
call for my venting my irritations. Yet I cry, it may take me a while for it to come out or
years even but I do eventually let it out. I use to think when young crying was
for the guilty and weak. Cancer makes me cry more and make me let stress go
quicker. I do not "F" with anyone who gets to me. For me it is a
sensory, mental reason to get into another time. We all know who we can deal
with. So I found what works for me and take my "Nancy Moments". Find
your truth and do not let anyone even those you invite into your truth to tell
you different. Let their advice be that while you take what works for you.
