Today this Mother's Day Sunday, thanks to "Mama D" and Drieve, I started on a new
path that affords me the flexibility I needed while making the income to keep
on. The only difference is I have learned enough since 1998 when I left home.
I learned so much about myself with the patterns that lead
to successes and the ones that lead to downfalls. When you are the one who
knows your life. What many say about you to your face who do not know the root
why you are treated a way or why you have it tough most of the time, can get to
one. Yet, through life's journey and my health reasons I learned quickly to nip
those things in the bud that got to me.
One being what people say about me in my face publicly and
rumors I hear when brought to my attention. I was there during the times many
try to postulate the why's to the little they are told or see. So it gives me
solace to know that finally I got what I always longed for. One who understood
those like me who truly rejoices in the smallest of acts, can understand why
for me, I must acknowledge it.
The act of one being that figure and chance all know one
needs and should receive but for some it is not easy to attain when all around
you have the "They will be fine" attitude towards. Well I was not and
those who dropped the ball should have known better. Known better than to tell
their seed they allowed things to be purposely to teach a lesson. Now to come
to that same seen at 25 and admit with a late apology they were sorry for
holding me back. Sorry does not cut it for all who thought I was a chicken with
their head cut off when all I was, was a young girl looking for a home, for
real, for real.
Many will never understand why one like I with so many rings
of a sad onion to still peel to overcome has to do all this. Some parts I let
rot out with them the idea of ever rehashing and making it right. It is not
fair to me who has moved on to let anyone come in years later and look for
closure. My mental does not need it nor does my health. I wish many who say
things along the lines, "Do not rob them of closure," yet they robbed
me of 28 years of so much. I waited until my mental was more important. Nancy
was more important, which is the ultimate reason my life is how it is. I never
put myself first and as I learned to more people had to go. No time for the setbacks
and feel that I confronted and discussed all my gripes over and over to
switching stories tactics, blatant avoiding the set meeting with pastor and
those involved and so much from the age of 10 when much was known. So
unannounced to many who feel to lay their opinion, I did my part at ages I was
not even supposed to be the one initiating them. So I learn to stop feeling
like I must explain because when many realize they are never told the full story,
one will do what I do to many now, just listen. I tell all now who come to me
with their issues I only know of what you said here is my opinion. No more is
one like I going to lay it down as if I have full command of another's truth.
#LifeLeassons.
