Yesterday was like a day of epiphanies that just knock the wind
out of you as you inhale more strength to keep pushing on. I had a heart to
heart with my boyfriend. As we spoke about our joint pursuits and
individual ones, we hashed out our next plan of action towards our goals.
I want it all and "Power of Attraction" and the
will to keep striving has brought all coming to fruition to a head. When you
are relaxed with one area, it is time to handle others. I want most to be with
my son every night and understand that is not a reality with how things are
now. I will always take all past situations as a learning curve as I follow my
dreams, break chains to repeating cycles, and staying the course through all
health matters.
I almost slipped with VR today as he asked, "Why I went
to the doctor?" I talked to his dad the day the mass was found and told
him I did not want to tell him. I find with knowing thyself and not being in
his head that if like me, it is best not to say a thing till definitive it is
more than a benign tumor or something manageable.
With how things are and my big disdain for pity parades, I
will not be one to divulge much on matter then what I stated in blogs before or
to those I know care for real more than just wanting to know. I will be
vlogging about experience so at least for my solace of being down this road
before and always alone on so many levels, feels compelled to at least leave a
remnant of me that my son and future seeds can see. We all want to be
immortalized in our children's eyes and mine is just one way of letting me tell
it, my story.
When you feel cheated at times with always getting the shit
end of the stick each and every time, one tends to take things into their own
hands. So as I receive great news today that brings more money my way to do way
more, I also prepare to deal with some scary shit. My baby loves me and just
the fact he understands why I do all I do for his peace of mind brings me my
greatest joy. Just want to have one thing pan out ideally. I just love my baby!
