Aquarius Dawn Reflections: Thank You For Letting Me Breathe, One Step Closer

Today I got to thank my sons grandmother about her help in my dreams becoming a reality. I thanked her for doing for me what I always dreamed of. Stability her son once provided and a chance. Many times those who struggle get through onto the "Other Side". The "Other Side" as in going where their heart dreams of but actually goes towards. All I ever wanted is to be a lifelong student, have kids, raise them with school them at home as I practiced in my private practice as a doctor. Well, the cards I was dealt had a different path I fought with till a few years ago when all again came crashing down around me.

I was to blame like all times before on why my life again was in shambles but this time around I really could not keep on being the laughing stock who cries alone because many take the tears as jealousy when all one is sad about has nothing to do with what all want to gossip about. So then one cries about that, another misunderstanding okay to be discussed among others who do not have the balls to present concerns, but all too comfortable to sit in congregations of two or more with me as the topic.

All I can say is though much in cleaning up is being done in my personal life, the same is going on entrepreneurial wise. I cannot as I prove time and again change ones opinion of anything, but I can peep the disrespect and blatant black balling for one reason or the other. So as I have decided to ignore family more than an occasional interactions. Repair a 30 plus year relationship with estranged mother. Finally realizing a goal that could have been assisted by those one was to look to for help and guidance, I can humbly tell Mama "D" thank you for letting me finally breathe. I am blessed with colleagues whom I spend more time communicating with encouraging me and great friends with family who support me no matter. Sometimes after the storms one puts themselves in just because it is in their nature to want to help, one must remind themselves how truly blessed that worst could have happened but all that has was for a reason. That use to boil me, the constant down falls I put myself through because I worried about all else but me. After 30 plus years being the black sheep, it gets to be enough is enough. I like being among those who truly appreciate my nature, my delivery and understand my reasons. All else please move on and stay in your lane as I do mine. I will gladly help those who just forget, no one held a gun to their heads to even care what I am doing. So, enough is enough.

Getting Closer To My Goals, One Step At A Time

Ten years I waited to get this chance. Getting all my certifications out the way and will have ten by the end of this year. No games, all I ever wanted is happening slowly but surely. Rough start this morning though, but all well and got a 100 on my exam. Only studied an hour and knowing how you learn things helps. Discipline too. Ignoring the distractions which I can thank my tutor in grammar school for teaching me is paramount for my ADHD ass.

Yesterday "Mama D's" car broke down and while going towards her to stay with her till someone came, she says to me do not stress about her and go home to get ready for class. I apologized for not being able to help and then she said something that warmed my heart, "Eat a great breakfast and do well on your first day." Sometimes you are grown and get the attention you always wanted. Very humbling and so happy my mom also is singing the same tune too. She said something I never heard her say to me ever yesterday, after she too called me to check up on me. My mom said, "Worry about you and I just want you all to be able to support yourselves, do not worry about me." All my life I have been in a race to finish this and that to be there for them and them while drowning because of my decisions. Never looking at my own interests as top priority and as every time I crumbled, all my attempts up until then did too.

Very hard for me to not want to help. My dad once told me, "Nancy you will never be rich, you like to give too much to others before yourself. Ou pa gen Couer pou pa bay mem si ou pa geyen'l (You do not have the heart not to give even if you do not have it.)" That made me mad at time and cry because I wanted to put my mom and dad in their own place, start all my businesses, and just be a doctor in Jamaica or Bahamas getting paid in resources needed to live from the local patients. Yet goals on hold will be realized since now I have something I always wanted, stability. Still feel it will be ripped from under me and working hard to not let anything or anyone get in my way. Some just do things as a catalyst to more while going back to what their initial goal was. Many can tell you to do this and that, but are you paying my bills? Are you making sure I eat? Are you dealing with my unique dynamic as in life? Nope, so many who like to advise forget we all do not have the same life skills or nurture to make some paths easy. Just because one is down does not mean they did not paddle like hell towards all they still fell short of. So to have stability now and though way older is so humbling. Nice to see a goal being reached. Stability down and certification and more to go.

Never Hurt Yourself Helping Others

Sometimes one can sense another's unspoken disdain. When you feel you are being a broken record, always venting the same bull you honestly keep going through, you stop talking. Stop talking to the same people. I find this writing as a release for me on here as my diary always was. The need to really show many who are wayward as I once was, that there is a brighter outcome. Just some do not get that handed to them even after years of let downs self-inflicted or imposed by others. Some like I realize we go through it to better help another not to.

 A line I say to my younger siblings is, "You do not want to end up like me?" Not to say I am a bad person, just to show them what putting yourself last does to you. Never, be so helping, you help yourself into destitution. When there, that low point many times many things you would never do are presented to you. Thankful I never end up doing something I regret, but the things I have gone through help me see why so easy to succumb to the pressures some do.

The Overly Zealous Religious

Morning and so true. Sometimes my issue with overly zealous religious people is this. When they are slapped left and right it is fine for them to lose it as long as they mention their Lords name and I say "Their" for many reasons so do not ask or assume if one is not ready to receive the complicated answer. Any who, yet one who blatantly says they are not in the church again for their own reasons is said to be having issues with the devil. Well, news flash so was your overly zealous religious behind.

Everyone prays whether they admit it or not, it is what they define it as and prayer is not only a religious thing. Many get their panties in a bunch when a very outspoken person such as myself who really find cathartic relief in letting what I do allow out, out. No need to bottle it up. To me if many religious fanatics would take the stick up their behinds out and instead of prophetic with scriptures to back up disdain, just listen, reach out and touch the one you talk about or at.

The common thing I notice is everyone wants an audience and some just do not want to admit they too seek the same the other heathen they are referencing in a posts wants, a release of their frustrations. Wish the attention given to peep one’s going in would have many self-proclaimed religious individuals to inbox the person or post community where they gave them an outlet or just block them if so unbearable and not in sync with them. Everyone is a critique and no pun intended. Just some admit it and go in and care about their brother or sister without them having to come out and say it. Stop talking about what you do not understand and ask. I know I do if it is so pressing to me. But to go in with judgement without the facts is what gets me going in the first place. I may go in, but I also seek information as to the why whether it is a friend I notice them posting things that may signal distress or dis-ease. Some like me need to let it out and after my cancer scare that was caught in time was a wakeup call to me, stop holding the bullshit in. I am not dying just to appease a few who have no clue but say their Lords name as they judge wrong. Wish many would try that approach, I think that is what Jesus would do. Not sit there commenting on the perceived lost and leaving one still alone.‪#‎MyPiece

Positive Thoughts

Online Presence Is What I Do

One can take me arrogant all they want, yet one cannot say I never kept it real with them. I monitor for a living and for my protection in the areas I can. If you have been stifled before, why would one say things to those they meet during a business relationship more than what they purposely do?

Many perceive me as stupid enough to let all I do be known, all I get into known or use known for my competitive edge. This is not to say I with-hold information, I just do not give up what I specifically do to get results. This is my livelihood and many just hang to see what they can bite off you. Everyone who gets into business should know this and act accordingly. With the way Search Engine Optimization has turned into a lucrative industry in its infancy of "Boom Town" break out, it still is common sense the practice. Now, it takes work to implement a strategy customized to address key goals of a campaign, but the consistent adaptive efforts pay off. You have to learn from mistakes, to lessen the blows of future instant curves in a online approach to promotion or marketing. One thing that never changed, but was rarely if ever back in the "Hey Days" of the World Wide Web craze used, was research. I did back then and still do now. So when the SEO world was revealed to me in 2009, I was all to eager to dive into learning it.

Heck, I am use to finding what I need online and this knack of being good at it helps tremendously. Now the matter of each individuals approach, this is added by looking at things many who do PR, website design, coding and developing over look for one reason or another, the user. Peep how social media is being used and why. Social media craze and the consumer online market craze was evident before many bloggers or SEO enthusiasts were alluding to connections. Promoting, marketing,  joining the conversation and overall encouragement of audience engagement by CEO's is a good look now a days.

Being a social butterfly who is in-tune with their target market helps a lot. Everyone wants their time to shine and if they have the tenacity and willingness to learn, why not help them? I know I would.

Zoepreneurs Thoughts on Disassociations

The other day I had to block some, not for usual reasons, but for my own continued growth. Many tell you to learn to deal with people. Yet some I just do not care to know for things done to others. When you learn of some's character and ways about doing things, you make judgments and I who am one to agree we all do for one reason or another admit this always. Now what one does with it is up to them.

Doing what I do for a living, you learn that "Smoke in Mirrors" is real. You have many out here who do some nasty things to people and operate a predictable way that once those patterns are peeped again, you make a decision. Mine this time around was to just not see possible posts in my feed. I really genuinely love and respect all I partner with or that would never be the partnering. Yet I always tell all who are in the Haitian community heavy that I do not do the Haitian scene like that. I will go to events of those who I see are different until I see the foolishness that keeps those I cater to away. Yet the clique of the same individuals who go about things in a pre-historic singling out way is not for me. As if one wants you to beg. Not in me, I will inbox a collaboration. I will give suggestions to help one do better sharing online past Facebook all day. Yet to think I ever wanted to be elite, never. Those who really know me, know I am one who loves to just be comfortable. So why I choose to work how I do, at home in my blue robe most the day unless a client is coming over and I will slap on something to wear. Just me "Knowing Thy Self". If one is put off then fine and why I select who I truly work for since HAY Online was never meant to be big. Now the brands not fully shared on FB more than them having pages on it are the ones for many to sweat as competition. SMH

One can have their issues with me for being opinionated and that will never cease. If I let it be known from beginning I am not into the "Glitz and Glam" why some still have room to be a way? Being stand offish is fine and all have every right, but also let me know things have changed too. Many do not know what I deal with behind the scenes and I all to well understand many do not care. I do and that is why I do not go to events. If I am homeless i let that be known, not for one to look down on me, but to understand the ones I cater to with brilliant minds are in the same boat. Instead of exploiting them, help them be productive tax payers that when strong can turn around and support your business. Yet many want to keep crushing and beating one to the punch when the true movement of those I affiliate with as in demographic mates want a stronger economic black community. To many have egos and I purposely when sharing or going in initially did so private on FB so that my views would not be take as those of my company who shares all sides as the come through online sources that my demographic uses. Not Facebook alone. Many had to be separated from my Aquarius Dawn Nancy because they forget that millions are out here struggling and not representative of their immediate circle. So one wanting true exponential growth would cater to all not a few. That also means the messages that can be taken a way should be looked at. So while others worry about Haiti, I worry about bridging the gap with a specific sect of Haitian Americans like me who are born here and yet to go to Haiti for same reasons as me. We are broke and struggling. Someone has to make a sacrifice to make sure those behind are better equipped than they were or are. Many got me twisted, but that was a given and works to ones advantage. More than some thinking I am a naive, jaded chic mad cause she is perceived to be loosing when every day I gain more riches I could never had by the looks of how some feeling a way about my brand are doing or fluffing selves up to.

First off, never started my directory/entertainment/informative platforms to be going to social events. I see that no one in this community is compiling data on demographics other than the census skewed reports on a population more vast than online reports state. Have three more years of data collection from means I put together that looks at my target markets behavior online and in the streets. My website HAY Online is how I learn all I do by "Doing it Myself" and learning different builder platforms so to help those with little means stay a contender. Which ones of the website builders are good for the "Do it Yourselfer" and how to mitigate changes online that are not reflected with the designs and functions on some. The website builder sites too have to put up help tutorials to assist the few observant customers realizing things are different about layout. Many rely on my initial of many websites as a gauge of my abilities even after they are told not to. So you learn as you go about copycats and when in a Copy Cat community where those more connected yet lacking originality get an idea and run with it run supreme. My inboxing many no matter their perceived view of me as competition advice, like one snake I purposely was nice to and offered suggestion for his marketing and promotion team, to use Hoot Suite and still never used it. It is like you watch the games many play on the surface shows big time. Finding out the same crowd go to the same events and no exponential growth is not something I look to. Eating today the same amount is not for me or my vision that never dwell on this Haitian community more than to learn who is doing what to share and presenting well online in ways the youth I specifically state on my website find it outside of Facebook.

When the many changing IP's, migrating to WordPress, deleting pages and such finally stop, then I can index their websites. Just a person who knows to put their country analytic a way so their rank is determined differently is one who understands the numbers game many over look but want to be online. The following companies and doing research to see where else other than Facebook the event or initiative is shared tells much. The always seeing things not done on websites by many offering me help with mine makes me ask, "Are you serious?" So much is changing online with algorithms and many companies who assist in this area having to update too. Many are claiming things and yes it is nice to do hands on but how is it one who has no data on what they create for others is not properly vetted more than the clutter website presented a way? The numbers are everything and that is what I work to establish organically and when afforded go ham. I am so happy my company is getting the chance to really branch out into media. Started doing my portfolio on monitoring with screen shots that show it all as to what I really do that many still do not get. So as my business plan was always to be, I am positioning HAY Online to be that premiere spot for to find it all while getting help as an independent artist or talent of any sort. Partnering with companies who will provide the youth I help with affordable services to keep them relevant online. Making sure that those coming to me about their run-ins can truly be helped. Almost there and thankful for all the help and lessons as to why many do not still approach cause if I am also still dealing with what many complain to me about, it just tells me things still need to change before any "Gap" is bridged.

Yesterday I was given a blessing as I let go of a former one. I hope we can be friends, but to be colleagues when I am specifically looking for "That Approach" will have to just be "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" on that tip for now as I focus. Some really know how to manipulate but when the truth is seen, I am happy I will not be around. Some need to learn why and still do what it takes to get ahead. I like to sleep at night and have networked with so many that I would not change my MO for the world. I will not dress up when my office and goals are different. One has to address concerns they live with and strengthen their community while others can forget that they too once had no one before many became fans. Some like me go into things not for instant results when community support building is at hand, not show boating. Talking to many I no longer even consider colleagues, was never a situation of telling too much. I told exactly what I told many I still work with. Yet some's misunderstandings on why I wanted to partner was so off and it showed by how till now some things transpire. If you are petty to block me because I rightfully so say you do not represent all Haitian Americans, that is telling. Then after I learn because I use an account no other knew till this year when I started migrating people I have come to respect over that were met during my initial start-up, that was enough for me to say, "I am through." Yet to find out some go to those I work with luring with what they do is funny when I do not have issue with it. It is just the intent to all of a sudden see to do so with all whom I deal with, just like done with initial reason and person who opened my eyes to the MO. I knew I would deal with what I am and really only feel away since I will stand off those I once went to. They did not get why selective with way going about things because I listen to the concerns of those I am out to help who do not know about what many in the "Bubble" of Facebook only share there. I tried to show with tools used and places I researched none were till all of a sudden the one not ever seen, HAY Online, uses them. Yet, funny how many are not noticing that much one ignores is what is trending in how to do things. Now the web is a "Pay to Play" when all my efforts were started free and paid only for more reach. I focus on the psychology of the "Why's". If social media's popularity and why so is not of focus to others, it is to me. It gives great demographic insight when looking in all the right places. My one of many vents and so happy much is being done by many cleaning their online presence up. I for one am happy and when HAY starts to advertise bigger and better all under my new focus, HAY Online Media and HAY Online Radio. So I will do as many have me since I do not fit inline with what they are peddling, I will stay in my lane as they do theirs.

Learning About Leyla McCalla and Haitian Folk Music

2014 International Fest Docks at Port of New Orleans

Last year I was blessed with  partnership that brought me to my current interest of many these days. Haitian folk music is an area I never was educated on. I heard it now that I learn of the roots of Haitian roots music. Yet, growing up no one stopped and told me these songs were Folk songs. Now in school listening to Blue Grass music and other Folk, I never took to Haitian music let alone knew what would play at decibels not clear to make out but tunes was even a Haitian version.

Not till I was asked to head promotion online for the yearly Zakafest which is a festival that keeps the Haitian culture alive. "Kilti Ayisyen or Ayisien" in Creole means Haitian culture, now more than ever so much is coming my way about it and in the form of a beau who loves it. So last year May I learned of this amazing Folk artist who happened to be Haitian American and from New York residing in NOLA, New Orleans, Louisiana. 

Mesi Bondye on YouTube made me stumble on her interview and the sharing began from there. My passion is to share with those who come from my neck of the woods and anyone else who wants to know, do about what gems are online that may not be shared as much on popular pages for one reason or another. Very fortunate to have many who are helpful in pointing into the right direction like Coach Peter of North Miami Senior High School and so many others like my boyfriend who plays for Kriz Rara. That in itself I am dating a Haitian man as more than a hook up is for another blog, lol.

Just elated to learn of Leyla McCalla who is all over doing her thing internationally too. Now I am getting a bug for Haitian music but not in the Kompa I really cannot stand more than an hour listening to or Zouk that I also do not care for. Just being honest as I am about Hip Hop of today. I love old school and rarely like the new school more than the beats. So many say oh, your not Haitian for that, and I just think to self this hang up is ridiculous and just an overreaction that is more based on hurt feelings than what it blatantly is, disregard to my natural human right to like what I want. So I am love Haitian Folk music and thank my baby Mario for sharing all the old greats like, Jean Raymond and others again at my age of 33 year old still never heard of to even start seeking or getting who they are from a post if I happen to see it. Now, I do get krunk, just need a good mix of genre selections I like.

Leyla McCalla - Mesi Bondye (YouTube)

Not Feeling White Backgroud

Not feeling the white background. Will stop that one. I am always testing out things and just thought it would be best but I like the see throw one better. :)

Blessings Weekends - New Year, New Focus

Man I guess my weekends are blessing weekends. It truly amazes me how many have it out for me because of my never changing ways about me, and yet still always in favor. It can be hard though when many judge and assume. I have been shown I am going to be fine. Each time I feel a shun move from those I came to entrust, bigger and better doors are presented for me to bust right through.

I am a testimony to all those who just feel out of place and find their walk. We are still favored no matter if we do not go about things the same way. So humbling. Some may take this update as conceit but it is just me saying thank you and letting it out how much I have to be thankful for

No One Likes Us, We Don't Care Message

No One Likes Us

Just A Bit Tired Of The News Play On Haitian Public Relations World Wide Online

What does this love mean too many who sit and do not send letters to its President to show more solidarity to those who left for better being persecuted? Then many would not feel as if one rather be in leisure than on TV every chance they see the conversations online I do to quell the insults or at least show they notice the dissent into instigated war. The disrespect on both sides of the border is getting worst. Like the passive Haitian parent who just does not address the sibling rivalry that eventually cause a cut or bruise to the other sibling or both. War is being instigated not peace when common nationals on both sides are leading the online campaign of one message or the other for respective disgruntle countrymen. As we once offered all to come to perceived Haiti during slavery a message of we care should go out to Bahamas, DR, here and all over that we understand you left because of the corruption that has many hungry and poor, but we are defending your honor. I will say corruption because no matter who is running the country, much benefited is for personal gain too. I just do not get how one who made a certain income is now making more. Of course your status goes up, so does your value in all transactions that transpired during and after ones term in office. They do that here, can one imagine the aid given to the funds of a President backed organization and after office speaking engagements when term done? So for me I do not see this a bad thing. I see the strong holding on elections and how blatantly they peddle an escape goat. As my dad would say to me, "Ou pa kon boot bet ou.( You do not know your animal in lack of better translation and spelling)" This was true before, but those words got me looking at people and their behavior differently. Doing this focused observation of people and their behavior has been so helpful with what I do for a living now out of choice, not necessity. Looking at things and people like this gives time to look at demographic information and also observe trends potentially showing patterns that are useful. Getting back to the topic, much is no surprise based off my own observations and find it sad that my timeline gets misconstrued as angry rants. This is as one sibling I choose to not be in's presence would say. I just see it wrong and needs to be addressed the lack of compassion publicly shared. It is after some are saying to do something it gets done instead of showing instant reaction. Years even ago there should have been central focus on the relationship with the DR. In the beginning there was about immigration a year or so ago, then that quelled. Then these rumors I took them as until I saw YouTube video of the abuses and lynching’s in DR was sad with maddening. I would expect with all I myself must do to piece information together since depending on circles, information is skewed to represent what that faction deems noteworthy. Whether sharing straight business and rosy posy or the real raw every day. Like getting to know all news no matter.  Nope you have those for supposed kissing tail advancement saying they deserve it because they left come to Haiti or the ones saying one is not Haitian cause they do not want to donate to their crook business non-profit started to make a quick buck. Making the ones who do it for the cause struggling for support that many who get it do not even last the one with true passion wanes when no money comes in for first few years and this is why I do what I do. Too much popcorn for me. I am proud but not happy at all with Haitians much these days. Share it all and continuously what is going on in Haiti and all over. We hear want to know and "Ain't nobody got time for that" to look on this page for this or that kind of news. Glad I see that being shared more often in Haiti Libre and Haiti Infos always shared even on social media. I just know the keywords followed in my feeds for over a decade, now share The Haitian Times who use to never come through. I have had my terms set for over ten years. So all the news on specific term pertaining to news here and there has been emailed to my Yahoo and Gmail past five years. So when I am voicing my opinion it is not out my ass. I really do pay attention to all I can and see when improvements or interruptions occur. Many talking about not being ashamed but what does the peekaboo news there and here give a message of?