What The Fucks With The Lies?

I just cannot be phony, not even with family. You cannot come and mediate or whatever, then keep the "Jesus" shit to yourself. One coming to me on my statement, can miss me with it. For real, ugh. The "Big Brother" God in the sky watching knows I put up with too much religious bullshit and been too kind and kinder to just X. But these individuals have made me want to sing, sing of all the bullshit this family harbors, ashamed of and gossip to all about yet never once invite one talked of to the table except to show how nice it looks. I was never jealous, just not going to let a "Bougie" thinking woman try me left and right. I would say a word but respect the children she raised though they have continually hurt feelings. I still love em but am very disappointed to see em carry on her behavior. The one that started all this too, "My Kids Are Better" issue at that. A parent is not to lay the seeds of hate, and yet all my life I watch Christian ones whether then not following right as told with supposed pagan rituals just fuck shit up. No accountability but running mouth, sinning, and then find time to discuss me but not talk to me. I am 33, and I am dealing with cancer not one of these Christians FB me on, ever call to ask how I am, but posting God this and that. If I am so unworthy of common respect, why are you worthy to call yourself a "Christian" as you guys state yourselves you are? I need to protect my heart, my mental and my spirit to not do what they all say to. It is not nice and I am over the unfair treatment, the talking to friends about siblings who needed a father to man up, not his children from a woman who is vindictive over taking a man from another woman to find it was all lies. I feel bad for her but who feels or says they do for the neglect, molestation, abuse, and so much still going on? Where is "Christ" in that? Why was it I was shut up but all get to sing like a canary about me behind my back? I just want this answered, "As I suffered, where was my dad and your mother in all this? Why did they not protect me and you know? Why were we not worth it to save? Why is it easy for you guys to judge what you never tried to understand fairly?"

Note: This family needs to clean up its shit without me. I have to put me first and this is part of me continuing to. You guys may feel as if you were there due to answering a call or two, saying hi here and there. Just keep it to gossip at the table and miss me with it. If you can ponder so much about me, then you should have been able to reach out or just keep my name out your mouths since you were not there to be judging hearsay. That is what you guys do, talk shit and then ask one to “Forgive and Forget”, no heal and reflect. Let the other heal and get their apologies, but I am no longer entertaining some. If not that, then WWJD bracelets need to be burned. It takes much to say and do but I must exit. Best that way since some are getting older screaming, “They cannot take what they created by taking up for a few while shunning the rest.” We were not the “Rest” remember that. We were here before the family was broken up in 1985. Get the stories straight then understand why some cannot be bothered with false judgement's that have many told bull that is not true. The one causing the division knows they were the homewrecker. Marriage does not absolve that fact a relationship was broken and the one who did it still meddles. What if I wanted to be vindictive for that? Would I not have every right based on how you guys use misguided information to judge and treat me as such? I no longer am held by the feelings of being alone if I decided to take the stance I am. I just want it known that I too have a heart and feelings. That is all.

Why I Support HAY Online

While Black American is told about their no clothes wearing selves other races are embracing theirs well and raking in the dough but many allow prude attitudes placed within community to have many blind while others dance circles. We have tasteful as well as raunchy. Just support it all as all other races who seem to be dominant by society’s perception. Wealth building, think of it in different ways. Like the ones you are made to shun while other strippers or pole dancers make money and compete but a black girl stripping cannot be encouraged to bring it to the same competition that winning can help repair her self-esteem and change her self-talk around her daughter who may see it easy to make choices when she too waiting for the generational gap in breaking chains fully take affect she finds herself in. The one that had her mother see dancing instead of going into a homeless shelter or be a prostitute though sex sells there too. It is in the champagne room. Life has one like I introduced to much and almost making decisions that many have followed through with. I just do not judge because I too could have been out here loose and almost was. I had many saving graces and wish many would stop being fooled, the more you support certain angles many may shun the more wealth we build. They buy into it when they take it and make it their own, why not keep your fire and maintain it? Support because it is our only way if one is not paying attention to patterns. You as a black person do it, it is ostracized most by your own kind. Yet too many will be supporting their own in other races doing the same damn thing and even making associations,. When this is tried in the Black community, the "Crab Mentality" comes out and it is a wrap that also is an MO those using it against you have years of understanding and now much data to pinpoint. As a community we do not share as much, like as much or support as much online as other counterparts. So my thing from now on is to ignore much in movements till I see real drastic measures more than instigating, solutions I see working. Just focused on those like my son who need all the help they can get. Why not I as a mother with a lifelong dream to help the youth do so now? He is the biggest reason I came back at it after so much before of the same "Foolishness". I just support HAY Online prospects that are vetted and helped along the way. Serious entrepreneurs who deserve it through online prowess observed in how they brand themselves online. Respect those "Beasts"! #SelfMotivation #MothersSacrifice #NoTime #SupportHAYOnline

Cancer Health - The Doctor Appointment

Yesterday was like a day of epiphanies that just knock the wind out of you as you inhale more strength to keep pushing on. I had a heart to heart with my boyfriend. As we spoke about our joint pursuits and individual ones, we hashed out our next plan of action towards our goals.

I want it all and "Power of Attraction" and the will to keep striving has brought all coming to fruition to a head. When you are relaxed with one area, it is time to handle others. I want most to be with my son every night and understand that is not a reality with how things are now. I will always take all past situations as a learning curve as I follow my dreams, break chains to repeating cycles, and staying the course through all health matters.

I almost slipped with VR today as he asked, "Why I went to the doctor?" I talked to his dad the day the mass was found and told him I did not want to tell him. I find with knowing thyself and not being in his head that if like me, it is best not to say a thing till definitive it is more than a benign tumor or something manageable.

With how things are and my big disdain for pity parades, I will not be one to divulge much on matter then what I stated in blogs before or to those I know care for real more than just wanting to know. I will be vlogging about experience so at least for my solace of being down this road before and always alone on so many levels, feels compelled to at least leave a remnant of me that my son and future seeds can see. We all want to be immortalized in our children's eyes and mine is just one way of letting me tell it, my story.

When you feel cheated at times with always getting the shit end of the stick each and every time, one tends to take things into their own hands. So as I receive great news today that brings more money my way to do way more, I also prepare to deal with some scary shit. My baby loves me and just the fact he understands why I do all I do for his peace of mind brings me my greatest joy. Just want to have one thing pan out ideally. I just love my baby!

Cancer Health - Aquarius Dawn Emergency Trip Turns Into More

Yesterday was not a good day. After having some symptoms I am use to at times news is never nice, I had to go in for an emergency visit to hospital after falling in the shower. The day before I had to catch myself from falling after a dizzy spell while walking to the front door from my car. I know I have Vertigo that was diagnosed when I worked at IHOP a few years back, but all these symptoms at once for a prolonged period is alarming. Then to think I would get certain news as to why feeling tired more and always fatigued quickly I attributed to stress and deaths in just one month, is more hormonal. Yet with all that also being a factor, the appointments I had to make yesterday after my ultrasound show more is of concern. Though I knew things could lead to this outcome, I really did not think so soon after exploratory surgery of another organ showed great images.

It is scary and I work hard not to let things get to me, but I am scared for real. So as I learn that a mass in my ovary has formed while I have been feeling tight pain all of a sudden there bothers me because it reminds me. Reminds me every time before the cancer word was used or alluded to I was always at a stage before a spread. So I feel that there is a reason all my life I was in tune with my body and why I always was brought to the doctors from a young age for ailments within time to avoid worst outcomes. Thus the reason at fourteen to see a Gynecologist for hormonal imbalance issues and poly-cystic ovarian syndrome that was diagnoses after five years of observation was a must too. I know the ropes and always handle the emotional aspect myself since many even if they were present at a visit never care or mention matter again.  At twenty three years of age, abnormal cells were discovered. I went a different route in stress moderation and next visit all cells were gone. 

Fast forward five years and another biopsy shows cells changing at a stage before spreading. Margins reached and their look was concerning. It took three months for an OB to see me with those results because the day they came in I was told I was also pregnant. Instead of abort as I was suggested to and deal with diagnosis and treatment, I kept my son. Just not one to have one done just to get rid.

Very scary and stressing to be pregnant and month one no doctor. At first visit and consult where I hand biopsy results from FAU's specialist, you’re told they cannot provide you prenatal care. Then month two another doctor says no because they can do the OB part but do not specialize in risky pregnancies. 

For one in my then circumstances, an obstetrician who has a specialist they work with and can interpret the bi-weekly results of was a must. A special ultrasound that is 4D on steroids to see every angle of the fetus and your cancerous tissue was a must. So finally I found Royal Palm Medical in Coral Springs who had a specialist (Neonatal Surgeon) at Plantation Hospital I saw every two weeks my entire pregnancy. The women who delivered me were the best and all my follow ups, out-patient procedures and referral to Dr. Ndubisi the best in cancer extraction was reassuring I was in good hands. So right now I am going through a similar situation and look forward to tackling the same each time before, with a clear mind and focus on me. Reducing my output and listening to my body more. Learning to deal with judgments for one can be many things but cannot say they understand what you are going through. I am going through much of this now and that too can be draining. So I stay in my lane. Till next time as I go at it again to avoid worst.

Getting There: Mr. M J D "Am I Wrong"?

                                               Video Emotions: "Am I Wrong" for my feelings?

It is great to have someone stepping up to the plate and better when their mother appreciates your presence in their child's life. I am content and still I worry. Things that seem too good to be true have me wary. After ten years of major life changes, one like me can keep skepticism the demon of choice. Thus why I will admit I block, avoid and change whole demeanor on a mate.

The ‪#‎IronCurtain as one former co-worker at a Doctor's office I worked at with Dr. Sabates once said, "Hunny take them curtains down." I asked, "What curtains?" She said, "The ones you have up not letting anyone in." I was very shocked she noticed my reservations but wished she understood not so easy when many close have in your eyes failed you in the most detrimental ways. Being 22 years old and first job after graduating from Keiser Career College has one see the world daunting in my then circumstances. I was paid well for my age and living on my own as usual since age 18 on my own and from 16 turning 17 years old leaving home.

Things are a bit scary when you just feel so alone and uncertain. Fast forward ten years and always a cycle of uncertainty that has followed me all my existence with never having a set home makes one already prone to be detached, more so. So that comment from the old woman who told me, "Take my curtains down," was needed and always referenced as I do start to over and over it seemed till this new relationship. I am a ball buster, stubborn and endearing in my faith in any mate I am with. So I will encourage growth and will turn away from foolishness as I observe.

I must see the intent and actions to feel secure, mmm...for the moment. I just am happy that the signs panned out true and one who has never been made to feel secure is a bit hesitant in accepting ones shows of it towards life partner goals. I want it all and also will hold off allowing certain vibes come my way as in the ones from a person showing it all as you always wanted. Though rough around the edges as I, I am feeling myself a bit more in this "Union" that is prayed for by a mother (his mother) any child would wish for. The instant introduction after we started to date, the constant counsel with her I would go into over any dilemma I invited hiatus till things were held up, and the feeling of faithful support creeping in now.

I am experiencing what many tell you should be and sitting back letting it happen. No matter ones speculations, those close namely Mrs. Duperval full knowledge of all things keeps me grounded in my decisions with actions taken to make sure my choice is final. I just always wanted stability and very grateful for it in the relationship department finally. Now to keep it moving to the next chapter I am anxious to take. Just have to pinch myself with all happening.

My Son: VonRoss' YouTube Channel Cybersecurity No No

Carnegie Mellon University Website Image of Trey at the Carnegie Cyber Academy

Found out his new siblings are introducing him to the world of video and not too happy since the way it is done can be dangerous.

So I must now put that on lock in a more private way.

I told him let me set up his channel then to show him how to only invite certain groups to watch he knows. Told him it was unsafe to just be posting video from home and putting identifying landmarks.

One reason not into having kids with this one, that one and so much the reason I was mad with break-up. Not for the disrespect or lack of proper communication, but the things that creep in when you are not the only one taking care of child when not with you. So much to deal with and not too happy with much that has to be nipped about videos without privacy very restrictive.

Thankful much else is kosher but these videos are a bit much for me since he knew better to wait as told. His father is a great provider and affords my son stability much needed. Just disappointed in my son for not waiting for mommy to set up his channel. 

I guess the apple does not fall far from the tree and I am glad the way he handled my reprimand of the act. We will take care of the privacy on his YouTube channel so only those who are given the link can see them till a bit older and pragmatic behavior on safety is learned with observed acted out. Just a concerned "Techie Mommy" who wants her "Techie Son" to learn proper online security measures. #TechieMom #TechieMommy #Cybersecurity #ChildrenAndCybersecurity

Resources Online for Children Cyber-Security:

Cybersecurity For Kids Tips - Homeland Security

The Carnegie Cyber Academy - About the Academy

StaySafeOnline.org - Teach Online Safety (Grades K - 2 since VonRoss is in 1st Grade, more age appropriate information on website)

AquariusDawnNancyGallery's Zoe Recipe-Makaroni O Graten with Bechamelle Sauce album on Photobucket

AquariusDawnNancyGallery's Zoe Recipe-Makaroni O Graten with Bechamelle Sauce album on Photobucket

Zoe Recipes: Makaroni O Graten with Bechamelle Sauce gallery on Photobucket.

Enjoy my home photos of me giving a go at something I just learned end of last year from M Jr. Duperval, self taught chef extraordinaire. Zoes In The Kitchen, coming soon.

Going Hard Motivation: Listening to The Global Jam Session Radio (DJayCee Mix) Now

Global Jam Session Radio (DJayCee Mix)

DjayCee Mix from Global Jam Session hosted by Haitian All-StarZ DJ Hard Hittin Harry on iGroove Radio Every Thursday - Mid-Day Dance Mix

When "Going In" on the back end and making sure all as it should be, one like me is motivated by music. It makes tasks not seem so daunting and notice all I do MYSELF is manageable when one knows when they need to coast as they maintain. Haitian All-StarZ is a brand-mate, media partner, sister company and with all the above it is well respected for its quality mixes that are well done. 

Not hard to partner with "Greatness", sharing the Haitian culture as they respect all others in how they do their mixes justice. See for yourself and click the link above.^Global Jam Session Radio (DJayCee Mix)^

High Times: A Zoes Perspective On Cannabis Culture Throughout The Ages

via Wikipedia: Cannabis Sativa

Well, today for some reason the topic of omega 3 fatty acids and Cannabis oils came to mind. A infomorecial that was being vague in its presentation of a high potent source of the well known fish oil, found in plaint form of a plant they claimed, "The highest pure source..." was the thing to buy. So I went to looking into this claim to see what would come up. 

Lone behold much about the fish oil of course, but using other phrases and terms I started to see much that was not surprising. Since I took a course of Biology of Cancer as an undergrad at Florida Atlantic University, much about cannaboids was introduced to my knowledge. Yet, this finding and study published after my withdrawal from FAU caught my eye. 

Always heard Rastafarian men, I called, "Faddah" talk about the lies and truth to medical properties of Cannabis. They, the Faddahs would say similar things about "Ganga" , "Weed", "Zeb", "Grass"; "Dey wan tax da weed dem seh."( depiction-sake ) 

Much can now finally be shared as to benefits and true dangers as with any herb found in nature. Maybe some will now understand why when one is told they have cancer, they look at life different. Many parents use canniboid oils and products for their ailing children's regimen of ntritional supplements. Cancer patients are able to get better relief from the use of Cannabis that is legal. 

Yet, the push now to legalize is a relief to some, but to me it has me pondering some things here.

Many were deemed trying to defend something labeled wrongfully a drug as in what the term now connotes as to society's moral standards. Now, no eight ball tainted bull either. 

No one has time for those who alter what God hath made. All of the earth is considered a blessing and a curse in my opinion. Well, till next time on High Times: A Zoes Perspective On Cannabis Culture Throughout The Ages

                        "On average, Cannabis sativa has higher levels of CBD compared
                         to THC, whereas Cannabis indica has higher levels of THC to CBD. 
                         (Source: Cannabis Sativa)

How Computer Class In The 80's Prepared Me With Those Paying Attention

via GiantBomb.com

MacIntoch Anyone?

Commands, Commands, Commands

Doogie Howser?

Children and adults who have a great memory tend to fare well in the computer world.

They "Cache" all they see. Like how a "Central Processing Unit" a Hard Drive would. Great if one can use theirs to remember things last seen or done if at time doing so it was committed to memory. The more you try to remember the more one should be good at chunking information for later recall.

The procedure to logging on in the 80's has not changed, just how we on the user end see it has.

Computers run off of commands. You in the 80's learning to turn on your computer or go to a program on it like the word processor entered commands to get there.

Coding is the same thing as in commands.

So if you remember all one had to go through just to get to a program on their 80's computer, then you will understand that nothing has changed much. Just what the person using the easier to understand interface one sees has changed and a programmer making it less complicated to use is more the trend. This is a very vague statement and not meant to teach programming basics, just point out some correlations.

User experience has been at the forefront of technology since the beginning of man. Technology is nothing new, just how it is used. It is not a mystical new age term either. Technology is seen throughout history, a subject that use to be my favorite in school along with the sciences. Well off to more to do in getting things together for my first patient I am returning to tomorrow. Slowly but surely my patient roster is growing and less than a month. Side Note, I know but that is how I am. We will delve into this correlation at a later time. Aaaaaand I 'm off.

No Data, No Presence In Sight (Insight), So Had To Block You Boo

via (giphy)

Sometimes when you are not getting supported but copied, you learn not to share it all even if you been saying it in a blog, in content you have been sharing for years or reaching out to some telling straight up what is what.

See, some just hate on you behind your back and still befriend you to take from you. When you see this re-positioning, you must protect. This may mean some you are cool with need to be blocked. Not because you do not trust them, you just do not trust their cameo loving colleague. Some do not want to be associated with those who front like they know just to watch what you do. I find it not fair if one does something to fund their initiatives for a phony to come in and hurt those efforts. Too many came in and still see what? "No Data for you (In My Cookie Monster Voice).” Why is that if you know what you are doing the past over three years nothing? This one person I refer to knows who they are. Remember the blogs you tried to point my way still not picked up? I saw this person making cameos, I had to bounce after informing the party I had to leave alone. I cannot stand that aspect of a start-up when many conspire to "Try It" but you have the last laugh for now. Sweet is the vengeance you had nothing to do with. Do not claim things you cannot prove outside the bubble. Just don't. Any who, I am off to bed soon or not. Always an email or inbox right at the moment I want to log off. Or I am so into seeing how some things online are faring just to brainstorm during insomnia sessions how to factor them in. My mind races and just a must to let it. So I am finally able to spread my wings and branch out even more. Residual income is the goal to support initiatives and the youth who need it. ‪#‎Zoepreneurs ‪#‎ButThatIsNoneOfMyBusiness ‪#‎KermitMemesSeriousThough ‪#‎Twisted

My Critics: Last December, Today's November In SEO

As would be when a brand shows the right stuff online, all those who matter to lend it credibility do so. This alone is one reason I cried less. Funny how one who had to even block family who were a bit harsh with comments like, "Everyone knows you do not know what you are doing" actually does. Some things one does and makes a living on should not be divulged while building their service. This was a period that really had me because this one person knew the mission or was told and forgot why things were and are presented a way. Some do not need to or want to come off technical especially if all done was to allow insight. Not to copy exactly but to take elements and incorporate in what was already being done or started up. Nice that all online, as in things I had no proof to substantiate back when scrutinize is now common overall practice in maintaining. I wonder what this sibling who, "Tried it," as a client would say is feeling now? If they even learned what one was doing by now? Sometimes those you admire and look up to hurt you the most. When they should have defended you with critics who claim and still do not see their metrics online, they were bashing you with them. Just the fact things are cached and kept online dependent on certain aspects of storage and relevance to keep. One like I knew vindication would come in provable, quantifiable results that may seem small to those who look at numbers but are what is getting HAY Online attention now. If I claimed HAY Online is to be the premiere spot to promote a certain group as to HAY Online’s About page, of course it would need to prove that where it counts. I look at credibility and ability as to who to partner with. Nice to show that numbers do not always mean everything when know how helps and behavioral analysis of a group coming after one was done. So I cannot and will not work with or harbor "Dead Ducks". Did many forget, even those listening to "The Bridge" years ago, I am here for data that no one seems to have on a sect. I have been researching over a decade a certain group that is not your typical Haitian American toted on Facebook. ‪#‎Wink ‪#‎Twisted ‪#‎AQDNB 

Haitian Culture: Learning So Much From Haiti Visuelle

Right now at a gig with Grandra, who is a member of Kriz Rara, in North Miami at King Creole BBQ & Bakery. This is a part of the culture I am getting a taste of, the Rara culture. Still growing on me but interesting to learn about its history.

Haitian history and culture is what I am learning so much about online. As I do so, sharing the great presenters of it is wonderful. So only right to partner with Haiti Visuelle. The creator's vision is so clear that the culture and history are easy to digest and share. So humbled by the inclusion and Ed and his collaborators on the page give HAY and I. Very appreciative of his trust and grateful for his example of respectful approach in dealing with one another. Learning about Haiti through my eyes online with a well organized Facebook that just shows it will grow into such the authority on Haitian Culture. I love learning about "Giants".

Zoe Recipe: Makaroni O Graten (Macaroni Au Gratin) in Sauce Bechamelle - M. Jr Duperval Recipe

As much is settling down personally in my life and getting rectified within certain relationships currently (stress the use of the word currently since all is day to day off rip now in dealing with) giving attention to; I am learning so much all around. One area is "Zoes In The Kitchen" a new look at Haitian cuisine I am going to present that has so much coming to a blog post, store and online store near you.

The other night, the night intended to post this before another situation, I was supposed to post what I was being taught about a dish I use to only get at Haitian parties. Well, since last year I have been getting hands on instruction and first hand eye witnessing of many cultural aspects of Haitian culture I never knew. So here I go with this favorite "Zoe Recipe".

Makaroni O Graten (Macaroni Au Gratin) - M. Jr Duperval Recipe

Ingredients:

Bechamelle Sauce Ingredients

Vegetables:

One of Each: Green, Red, Yellow or Orange Bell Peppers

Half Red Onion

Half Yellow Onion (Vidalia Onions Preferred)

1/2 of a Clove of Garlic

Spices:

Pinch Parsley

Pinch Tyme

Pinch Cilantro

Dairy:

1 Can of Milk (Nestle Carnation A Must or Do Not Call It Haitian Makaroni O Graten, Just Not The Same)

2 Cups of Four Cheeses Cheese (Kraft or Sargento; All Else Are Yuck In My Opinion)

2 Cups of Sharp Cheddar Cheese ( Same Brand Choices As Stated For Four Cheeses)

Butter (3 to 4 tsp of salted butter)

Seasoning:

Pinch of Badia Lemon Pepper

1 tsp of Salt ( I personally would skip this addition since the seasoning blend has salt along with much used)

1/2 tsp of Pepper

Unique Season Blend ( Mine was Badia Lemon Pepper, Some Garlic Crushed and Pinch of Complete Seasoning; Some Use Haitian Seasoning They Make From Scratch - My Americanized behind has no time at present for that)

Grains:

Flour (to thicken the Bechamelle Sauce)

Pasta:

Macaroni ( I used a new Barilla Pasta called Collazione instead) 

Preparation: Thinly cut all the veggies and mince the pinch of each spice and put aside for a minute. Then take the mixing bowl and mix in the veggies, spices, milk (Nestle Carnation), butter, cheese (a cup of each melted or not), flour and seasoning ingredients. Pour it all into the sauce pan on your stove put on medium heat then stir the contents till the veggies are slightly cooked. 

Barilla Noodles & Pasta: We used the new addition to their brand, Collazione pasta this time. We boiled it as the package said for twelve (12 mins) minutes on medium-high heat so it was "Al Dente".

Putting In The Oven: Grease with butter ( I used Country Crock) a 9 x 13 inch deep pan ( I used a round oven safe casserole dish) and place a thin layer of cheddar cheese on the bottom then layer a thin, covering entire pan, layer of macaroni mixed with Bechamelle sauce. Then put a layer of the cheeses from the one cup of each two types used to make the sauce. Then add another layer of macaroni and repeat this step one more time. A great three layers of macaroni with cheese in between and covering the top. Sprinkle some Parmesan cheese too. Then stick the pan in the oven preheated to 425 F  ( I used a round casserole bowl tonight since some like the all-around browning it produces like how they are used to in Haiti with all sides crispy and browned like a pie). 

Take out and let sit for 15 to 20 mins

(Side Note): I am learning in Haiti as to how Mario's grandmother taught him it would be a "Baton Beurre" or block of butter used in the sauce. I personally though many Haitian dishes use an excessive amount of salts and fats will modify these amounts. So my taste is a bit as my mom says, "Manje san sel (Food without salt)". She is typical of many Zoe mommies who feel one must taste the salt in the cooking. Sad fact is if you can taste added salt, it more than likely has waaaaaaaaaaay to much in it by then. 

Disclaimer: Family recipe and many variations to making the finished product of Haitian Macaroni Au Gratin. Always using the Creole way of saying a dish if I can help it. Creole: Makaroni O Graten 

Zoe Recipes: Introducing Another Area To Learn From

Welcome to Aquarius Dawn Nancy Blog!

This blog was started after many years trying to figure out the best method to release so much I built up as in frustrations, concerns and thoughts over any situation deemed necessary to discuss.

So now I am adding my learning Haitian dishes and sharing their recipes with you and the Haitian culinary professionals I have met along the way and learned of. So far I love Sensory Delights Catering as one of the best representations of Haitian culinary professionals bringing that heat in the kitchen and to social media in how they present there.

Also learned there is a Haitian Culinary Alliance that was founded by another renowned Haitian Chef I will share as many others. The past two plus years much has been discovered that show great promise in how the next phase in integration of the Haitian community into the American fabric of the United States. Many minds are on Haiti, while many minds like mine are the hustle and bustle of Haitian American life that is not so "Glitz and Glam".

One area that is always "The Bomb"? Haitian cuisine. I do not care what anyone says, "Haitian cuisine is the most delicious as in taste." Well, I am going to share what I am learning from my beau, Mario who will be referred to as Mr. M. Jr. Duperval or M. Jr. Duperval.

SEO Work Related: Then With Now Life Lessons About My Handling Splits

Part of good, good search engine optimization is coupled with brand owner authority. If you started a brand, why is it not mentioned on your profile? There are two reasons in my opinion and own practices not to: 1. You really do not want your personal private, exclusive brand to coincide with your business branding. 2. You just do not do so until a set strategic time is present to at a level governed by how public you want to be. Some like I want to keep things privy to a select certain few they rigorously network with.

See, on the social media tip, I keep my status a way(Close Friends) to better learn and share. I want to be resourceful but to those who truly want to be inclusive to my agenda "Brandwise".

Personally, I see need to separate after what I put myself through.

Side Note(Side Tracked Extra ;) )I say, "What I put myself through", because the situations in the past were me introducing my world to the wrong people, it was me who hashed deals with the wrong people and it is me who has to rectify each matter. We all make mistakes and we all should learn from them. We all should understand one's decisions is their own. As I always, no matter my personal reservations on a matter feels, will respect another's decision to distance from me as I have many before and since. Just my thoughts on splits. I reach out and if the old way of responding changes, I must too.

I use to keep emailing to ask what is up? No reply. I keep my communications not to share but to share with the party to show dates, message and errors in many areas on my part or theirs.

Now, it is a set two weeks and no longer do I keep tabs. I 're-prioritize now and find it gives time for deep tunnel vision. Like the universe's way to say, "You need to concentrate on your agenda a bit more ." I want it all as all you Zoepreneurs.

This is sooo the reason why I do not take, the same actions who saw fault in my own did the same I do now as in distancing, much to heart. #SelfPreservation #MovingOn  #UniverseSilentlyDoesUntoOthersAsTheyTooDid

Grind: Vacations Mean A Differing Thing To Me

Grind even when away is the only way to stay on top of it all. I had to take one from certain things to recoup. Some are too much. Vacations are taken from work not hobbies or one's own free time pass times. One just give me more time to HAY since so much in foundations need to be still laid for the next ten to fifteen years. 

Pay Up: Thanks for Doing Business with Us

Subject Line In My Email: Thanks for doing business with us.

Body Text/Message:

Hello from Google,

We're attaching a copy of your monthly invoice, detailing your Google Enterprise activity, for your records. There's no action required on your part as we'll continue to charge you automatically using the payment info we have on file.

This here is how one must see to do some things deemed integral to their brands well-being. Automatic payment so one does not have suspension of service. No matter into what I do or not, one must keep important tools covered in advance. Just in case something comes up, at least you know the important things to keep company running smooth online are taken care of. I need more storage space and functionality than the free Gmail accounts offer. I recommend anyone who wants to build a strong Startup presence should get a paid account that allows smooth communication, file sharing and integration among your company’s team members or colleagues.

This use to be an area I had problems with until I took this matter seriously.

Budgeting Thoughts: Google Billing Email Made Me Think Of This

Google billing is cute. They are something else and do not play though about their payments. Straight cut off quick. Best to just leave a good sum in your account to just take from. Pay up as much upfront. 

Look at necessary expenses to keep brand afloat online in annual cost amounts. Meaning if it cost $60 a month for a platform or tool then multiply the amount ($60x12=$720 annually) by twelve months. Now this is a better representation of what must be on deck or worked towards having or paying off monthly. 

Either way it is covered it needs to be if anything started that is part of "Training The Web" is to stay consistent. 

HAY Online Media services rendered for cash helps keep necessary platforms covered that must stay consistent. We work around the startup woes by working to stay afloat. This effort also must build up a clientele as well. 

So in all one must always have multiple hustles to keep things going. Always start with what you can manage and maintain on a twelve month basis not month to month. So if you cannot afford $60 then do $30 for twelve months. 

So, the take away is to just start things you can keep consistent no matter life circumstances and interruptions. At least two to three things continuously updating on different platforms that are leading ones within your brands market.

Side Note: This helps establish a brands online presence. A brand online needs to understand eventually the budget for promotion online will include the maintenance budget. While promotion on different platforms is a must, not all are to be promoted on continually. Some are just for the season, while others should always be a factor in a brands specific online branding strategy. This is why so much focus in the beginning needs to be in "Training The Web" about your brand and community building while branding online.

SEO Work Related: Buzz Creation Is About Brand Specific Strategy and Goals

When your buzz creation was always focused on your own brands strength. When built this way and it is finally catching on, as in the search engines placing it on ideal pages within their search engine, one can maintain. This means one will have to be patient since you are not using already built with authority associations to get your position online quicker. There are so many ways to create a buzz and HAY Online did it and still does it on its own strength. This route for some as in strategy to online branding depending on associations can mean a while to get recognized. This is where practices used religiously with understanding what is working for one reason or another is important to get the gist of. Some tactics are done because much online is not ready to be shared just yet. So a strategy some clients and HAY Online uses: One) Do not to share some content on ideal platforms for strategic reasons. You may want to share information just to share it but not for immediate attention until you share it at a optimal time for more audience awareness. The audience awareness times are something you learn through monitoring your brands insights. All social media platforms offer them, insights that is. So much for HAY Online lays in wait like sentinels already "Training The Web". #NoGames #BuildSystems

Taylor Swift - Blank Space - My Beast Mode Motivation Music For Now

Listening to my favorite mix lately on YouTube as I add the content to HAY Online's home page. This summer is devoted to integration. Like a rising up of minions in a sense. The network is going to be more iron clad.



My imagination on this subject: It is like in my head I place a sea of competitors vying take over surrounding HAY Online on all sides but one in a horse shoe formation coming to encompass it. Then, HAY Online's defense comes in and takes care of business with the help of the offensive moves made years ago. ;)



So, the minions come in as a large Tsunami wave and wash out those coming for HAY. It may seem crazy to another, but this makes me move a certain way. I make sure all angles covered that come to mind and always assessing possible areas for contention. When one is found offense is set up. #NoGames

The Current Situation: "Forgive and Forget" While Elephants Trample All In Sight?

The Current Situation: Yesterday I spent most of the day in the hospital with my estranged mother. We are close but not close. The use of the word estranged is based on the definition of the word and the fact that is how our relationship is. Just recently got back into talking after so much. We were both at fault for differing reasons of course, just one lesson is the matters that cause blows are not addressed. I no longer care to perpetrate there is no problem and choose not to be around much. Even if pigs fly and it would be addressed, I would not care to be there.

 One who grew up as I did could relate. If one feels I am detached, this is an area you will see that all over. Tears, never shed for her more than the lack of anything affectionate from her is all. You learn quick when young and as I was to not get feelings hurt over and over after the first few times. This safety mechanism though is also why I have no deep emotions, trust me I have tried. Will not beat myself up anymore.

I believe an eye for an eye in many situations. Some's personal mental hell is enough for me as relief in some cases with people who have wronged me. I say this in a reflective manner, the fact I do not know or care to anymore become warm to those I moved on from is paramount for me. So yes, I care as in how all should care for another no matter what they did because they are human. Yet, for me to just perpetrate, it is not in me and I choose not to have inner conflict over it.

My sanity is more important to me and some things parents allow is inexcusable, vile, and just destructive on so many levels to a child of theirs productive future. It takes one much to overcome so much neglect while still getting their shit together. So I do not mind being there because she gave me life, I am a softee sometimes, and she deserves what we all do, someone to just have compassion.

Compassion is possible once one can put aside for the moment the hurt and just look at an older person, who had their reasons to allow such past occurrences, and just needs to be taken care of.

My only thing is I no longer care to be around long. It just irritates me the things I must put up with. The elephants in the room have reached 500,000 and multiplying fast as the years go by on the over twenty five years of bullshit. I use such vulgarity because this subject matter does that for some reason. Any who I just feel for people even those who have done me wrong. Just learning to stop trying to "Forgive and Forget" while I must be reminded no one gives a damn.

So, it gets a bit much for me to be around much that is brushed under the rug just for me to keep seeing names, hearing mentions, and watching the jovial conversations that bring up parties in a revering way. Just a slap in the face each time while you get others saying to "Forgive and Forget".

How is one to "Forgive and Forget" when it is thrown in your face no one cares? I get that every day for the past twenty five years and it comes to a point one must put their foot down. The mental ware and tear of always making it alright in your head while all else get to be loose with their actions and comments.

So I just have said, "Enough with trying, just be there, and move on." Move on as in away from all that brought the same reactions. So if one wants to front and I do not get down like that without words said on the phony, I will just not be in their presence much or at all. I do not bite my tongue and will slip. I like to get things over with no matter if full of anxiety myself on the matter.

I want that anxious feeling over with no matter how long it takes. Cancer, loosing my baby and life circumstances changed that. I refuse to subject myself to bullshit. I just do not care to rehash more than my occasional mental release on here or in my journals. I am a come to mind, let it out and move on person. I have to let it out, that which bothers me. I use to hold it in and it got me what stress does, dis ease.

I have lived it, the outcomes of stress on the mind and body. I would not wish it on anyone and why I go about my sons care a way. I would never want him to experience anything I have. I will as yesterday morning take the berating I get, as long as he is spared.

Those doing the berating will never understand and my wanting one to back in the day is not my current goal anymore. I am fine with my decisions and see the benefits already. I am moving on from yesterday and the stress.

Today I just want to get acclimated, chill and work a bit. Really wish at times I could just shut off my "Give A Damn Switch" for some. I am slowly getting there through it all and just leave my mother in the equation of parents to worry about. After my assessment of both, she was there most even if so much happened.

Guns N' Roses - Estranged

So on point right now. #CurrentSituation

Happy Haitian Mother's Day!

Man, the days when you could not get a gift on the American Mother's Day but say to yourself, "I have the end of the month too."

Crazy but now I have my son give his two Haitian grandmothers a card and a kiss. They love it and cherish every card. Just had a conversation earlier with him where I told my son tomorrow is Haitian Mother's Day. He was like, "My daddy has one, a Jamaican one too?" I did not know and the lady I am working with confirmed it is the same as ours in the US. So he is getting his knowledge in on the Haitian side more now.

Feeling Better: Sometimes One Must Do What Was Uncomfortable To

Sometimes you make the right choices for your brand and motives that are learned after making so many redundant wrong choices. So many told me to stop doing so much and I found reasons to keep people or projects that were not mutually beneficial because I saw how I still could benefit. Yet the emotional ties have one taking things a way. In my case it was the fact so much work went into what many deemed just posting. The keeping brand name in all done on back end that helped them. The learning when to post at optimal times that benefited them. The always asking information of many who ignored the reach out that would benefit them. The time tying in relevance they did not do and still have not to make it sensible online to benefit them. So much more done to benefit others who can easily just go about theirs while you are left with bull to listen to and see. So I no longer have those problems because I finally listened to many who saw my gripes. My relentless nature can also have me barking up the wrong trees. The ones that bare no fruit for me. So as I stop the traction on my end as in network wise for many, all the association, co-citation and so many other SEO practices used to build up online presence go down the drain. Yet, you know why I am not bitter and never could be? Well, what many fail to understand is the more sharing you is ideal. The funny thing about it is if twenty images found under a result were from your network and you stop sharing them, their content associated with you dwindles to lower result levels. Like row fourteen of images or page ten of a search. So in the end I am not hurt at all. This is something I learned myself and see it happen much. So I hope many have great people in their corner willing to do it all to make sure their content is visible in the right diverse places. I know I will continue to only for those who are on board now. I no longer look for partners and will never put so much midnight oil hours into anything more than it is done for me.

SEO Work Related: Copyright Issues and Why I Love Partnerships

Safe way to protect against copyright issues is to make sure on your hub you clearly state it is not yours, then make sure it is in the description in a natural way, link it to the source initially and try to use watermarked images. From the moment it is shared by you who is being detected, please state it is not yours and just get permission if it is a must. One thing too is just partner with those who understand the mutual benefit of association and share their content freely knowing no one is coming at you. No one is going to report you to Google, Facebook or any platform they see you doing them a great service. I personally just stop sharing some. I will never revisit that avenue for many reasons. The main one is principle and the way the web works right now. It is an honor to have someone share you. Remember people pay just to be put in front of an audience and someone just did for free. Shoot if they SEO the backend with your brand name, that is even better. It is like giving credit where it is due but the best way possible. It is a great show of respect when one sharing you does not implement tactics on back end that could easily claim till you contest it. I make sure to do this always from the start so the only connection was being shared on one of my many platforms. So why when this was my problem with a few, I use to be mad. Then as I saw what is really going on, I actually like the load off and the insight who not to share anymore. So I will go all over and delete all that brands information and just add a page about them and call it day. I had to do this with a perceived competitor. It really gets to me how many just show pure ignorance and yet they say this is what they do. Just do not get where they get their information from. Just my piece and why content creation has been the focus for a while and some designers who could not get with the program had to be left alone. Lag time in production compounded by researching best way to present finish product is another post for another day. Have a great last Saturday of May. Damn, tomorrow is Haitian Mother's Day. Soon as I am off, I will swing by and get my son so he could give his Grandma Nicole her customary card and kiss. He gets her a card on both Mother's days. I love my son. He is the reason I will always go hard. 

Partnering With Content Creators Is A Must.

 Now how to share their content is where much one can be penalized for comes into play. There are different kinds of media pacts, media partnerships or just partnerships period. How they are structured is up to the parties involved. Some on the other hand are setting theirs up all off kilter in my opinion and as to practices in online branding is concerned. Many are claiming partnerships that are a bit confusing. Though many state them, it is how they "Train The Web" on them that is off. If not continuously reiterating the partnership where it counts for your brand it is a waste to stick to whatever is being done now. This means if Twitter works best to share what your brand does then do it there more than Facebook. I did not say only promote there. I said share things telling about what your brand has to offer on the optimal platform for it. When posting whether "Real Time", postponed or queued it needs to be tying in something relevant and the back end should do the same. So titles need to be on point within the logical scheme of your brands specific "Train The Web" branding online. So the search engines get a clear picture as to your partners, your specific unique branded content marketing or promotion strategy, and can present it well online. This is why a brand has to be implementing all SEO practices whether they "DIY" it themselves or pay another to. Now as to Social Media, one must adhere to one text and link combination a day. Meaning, if the same wording and link already was shared, do not keep sharing it. Find a new way to phrase and relevant tying into campaign content link to convey same message that is specific to how you are "Training The Web". So this is one reason I state some get it, #Twisted. Though there is much to get twisted. Of to more catching up with all these gigs coming in and the car search still one with the kill switch issue which was not one just did not like having to use it. #SideNote is always me going off subject. Tootles!

Early Call: This Young Guy Is Really Growing On Me

Just some things I said to him and why. I broke it down more with him on the phone but I feel some who are struggling could take some of this pointing out. Figure what you can afford and cannot. Then from there stick within your means as in sharing your content. Content being your tracks, video, or writings. It is how you share and how consistently you do.

 Should I Share My Old Songs?

 Share the old stuff always in good ways. What I meant by this is even if the song is old, if it will play, share it. Make sure to use platforms like SoundCloud that play well on most all smart phones. There are platforms that are not so widely compatible thus limiting fans who know of you in listening on the go and new ones who cannot open your link.

 Should I Wait Till I Have Better Equipment?

Iphone music videos are also out doing many too. It really is not all so much what you use, it is how. If you do not have it like that as in money to buy good equipment, learn to use your phone's video camera well. What lighting, angles and feature manipulations on your phone works best to record. Then do vlogs that are well titled and unique that share your talents. Not all can do a great job yet some smart phones that I have used to film media were an Iphone, Samsung, and LG.

 What About Programs to Edit, Mix, and Create With?

 Better programs to edit by budgeting that first into start up needs is a must. Here I meant for you to think of what you need to do it yourself and make those your initial purchases before studio time if both cannot be done. Focus on the process to learn from and jot down what worked and did not.

 What About My Image?

 Image is everything and do not look like you are  begging. What image is, is up to the brand. Some brands want a professional image while others do not. If you want to be professional then you must from jump act accordingly. If you do not care about it because of your audience make up you want to attract do not mind, so be it.

 This kid is a beautiful trip and one of the shining examples why I started blogging under Aquarius Dawn Nancy Blog. It is a release and a way not to repeat myself. Just share the link that can help them do better or learn from my mistakes.

Rammelzee vs K-Rob "Beat Bop" 1983

Really neat to learn of this track Jean-Michel Basquiat did in 1983. Here I go looking into a man I learned of on Facebook through a post a few years ago. Just to learn he did a Hip Hop track that spoke on things very similar to what I am learning about his life. Sad story that produced such great art.

Haitian Flag Day, Same Every Year

I will admit even I was not so into representing the flag much until around 2010. More than a rear view mirror flag from time to time, it was not something done religiously or even looked up online by even me.

As much of what HAY Online does is for a reason, I have seen firsthand within the groups of Haitian Americans I know and service many go ham on this day publicly about their roots. There are still many without a yearning to learn of Haitian history and those who do not should not be scorned for it. Many who are Haitian everything have a jaded view at times and want those not so into the Haitian culture to be as hardcore as they. Not to say they do not care, it is not part of their daily life until someone points it out. The posts here and there are easily forgotten till another, even with how Facebook is cracking down on promotions, one about the culture is detected. So many need to learn how to present their information well online so it can be found through an organic search, not just Facebook.

The truth is, many born here only rep when they remember to on Haitian Flag Day. Unlike those who berate us at times or make insults about those who are like me that do not represent 365, we are not to be shamed but continually reminded of things many of us are now learning. I think it is very poor judgement to single out or label unpatriotic when really, these kids and I are born in the US. For one reason or another our parents who also may not have been educated well themselves did not inform us on "Everything Haitian". Neither should they be made to feel less Haitian. It should be used as insight to fix disparities that later are used to put one down unfairly. Had they too been able to get an education I can see them doing what I do with my son, pass the knowledge down.

It is great to see much is being shared now on Facebook, but online much that could be known and shared is done so by many non-Haitian sources. Even when they are Haitian sources, it is regurgitated information from another source. So you have those on Facebook and Instagram I call bubbles for various reasons bashing others or making snide comments about not knowing or appreciating their culture. When Google’d, Haitian anything still many are not presenting their websites well online to even dent the first few pages of search results for Haitian Flag Day. Hougan Sydney is an exception and love how this website is well diversified online. You do find those who are doing some of the right things as to practices that is getting them seen in organic search results.

The thing is that not much in authorities on Haitian anything are present online more than the many giving their bit of information. Even Wikipedia asks for citations to claims. So when many feel to start talking about what one is representing, please look online to see what we find and to understand, it is very confusing. Not all are willing to search pass the first three pages. Just getting at, many are not doing what they must more than stating some facts to build their authority. Really wish some who feel to talk crap really just took a look at the bull online. See that what many should be doing who want to be authorities is not done. So when that happens, maybe more would last online than a few days or months if even.

Haitian American Youth Online Media, Inc, The Passion Is Real

We may not have a deep connection with all the youth we promote, yet we accept all independent, Serious Entrepreneurs - Zoepreneurs L'Union Fait La Force​, youth who push themselves. The "Go Getters", the true relentless visionary willing to give it all and lose it all. Lose it all as to things and most importantly to the new unknown process from which to learn from. I want it all and I love to help those who are like in pursuit about their ambitions. #Relentless #Zoepreneur #ZoeBlood #ZoePride

From Inspiring Quotes on Pinterest

Proud Moment: When A Youth Is Learning To Let It Go And Focus

This kid is so raw. I love those who are so nice to apologize for attitudes. Yet, I am a hard ass to these entrepreneurial youth in the way I am not with the bull till they have it all together. Some take me wrong but they always get it comes from a good place. After learning from my first interaction, I refuse to waste my time. Spring boards are not supposed to invest permanently in temporary projects. Now when it turns into a partnership, then investment. Learning quick and hard. They must be referred to those who can help them better their craft, make sure they slow down and take the steps they must within their means. I love helping the online presence process. They get it because they are who HAY Online Media supports with the funds made through services provided. They need help maintaining while they get it all together. Proud of those who just get it off the bat and all who are learning to do better online. It is their world. ‪#‎Golden

Always Cover Your Ass, Get It?

From keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

Yeah, I know the title is pretty vulgar but the point needs to be driven home. The point being, cover your ass for real. Think about it, what would you do to spy on your competition?

Okay, good you get the gist of why I said what I did. This is a dog eat dog world and online is no different. You have many who are not as creative and definitely as original as you since there is only you.

You are the kind of relentless spirit who invents things from the racy thoughts in your head.

The pioneer of industry who saw a niche and jumped in full throttle. No holding back.

You, knew what you came in to do with set goals and a business plan I hope.

You must always reinvent yourself without "Wannabe's" coming in like scavengers so un-original and obvious through their work.

The last "Pep Talk", is what this whole topic was leading to. Do not ever waste a minute again thinking about them, those "Snakes", "Energy Busters" or any hater for that matter. They obviously have to much time on their hand not doing much on their own "Whatever" to be copying you and doing as you.

It is your brand. Respecting it is protecting it. Protect, protect, protect.

Tips:

Log out of search engines of any kind and search that way about your industry, ideas and content. Some will follow all the platforms you are on and set up shop. #CoCitation Co-Citation

Do not log in with the social media plugins. Many will be notified on the platforms they pretended to befriend only for the real sole purpose to get ideas and monitor. I personally do not do this to study anyone. Once you understand information collection on the web and what is working for your opponent, you just watch to make sure they drive their message home correctly. Use the email for the account.

Make sure to be conscience of your replies and such because this too can be monitored. Not saying do not join a conversation but be wary of who is feeding off your moves and correcting theirs. The way things are online, one is supposed to set themselves apart. So copycats only can go so far before their scraping hurts them and any other tactic they use to just copy without proper credit if warranted.

Just study your competitions online presence profile and set yours apart in distinct ways. Branding is about using that thing or those things that work for you and embellish on them so to speak. Yet, do not make sudden moves without thinking of the best way to do undetected. This is why one learning the platforms they use well is also key to a great online presence. Cover Your Ass, Got it?

JBEATZ -It's getting late (Official Music Video)

One of a few Kompa like artists I like. Still not able to listen to a full nights worth of Compas but his vibe I could. This song never gets old for me. He was cool to meet too. Very nice and humble personality. I love his independent nature and how he manages his business. Great at marketing his product in my opinion. One video where he discussed not being supported really resonated with me and how he is self-made without much in hypers but loyal colleagues I guess. Just love those who understand to think outside the box even when that is all that is left. #GIANTS

Catarina ft. Mr.walley - Secret Love Official video 2014

Just love this song that is in Creole. This is a team I have been following closely as all I am researching. I love meeting new talent. We have Haitian GIANTS everywhere. Salute Team Tet Chaje Int. who has team members all over the Caribbean for real, real. Catarina aka Itz Cat aka Carine Darius, lol. I know a lot of aliases. Yes, yes, Mr. Walley TheRapper is on this one. A Dominica duo attending Dominica State College. Education and they can do the damn than. Man, that Zoe(Haitian American slang referrencing their Haitian descent) blood is fierce. We can handle it all. #ZoePride #ZoeBlood #ZoepreneursThoughts

My King, My Son: K. Michelle - A Mother's Prayer [Official Video]

I love this song so much, when it came out I had to buy it with my metro connect funds to buy the whole track to download to my phone. I would play my get crunk in the morning’s music for when I use to work at DirecTV. It was stressful because when you know the queue is "F" with to give some sales all day and others based on numbers to look somewhat fair are spread to those needing a sale. The bull one puts up with for a dollar. Like a prison where they play with rats in a maze the rigged. Just my piece. I like companies who value good people and teach leaders not just put it in their manual. Then to let streets rules of engagement be implemented by management. Not a kiss ass type so this song made me deal till it was just too much. Crystals and meditation sessions did not cut it. Too much. ‪#‎MyRelease ‪#‎MySon ‪#‎MyMotivation

Letting It Out, How Much Ones Truth Can Help

At times one like me would think to give up and then a email asking for my information comes in. Then when the story is told it hits a cord since the person is in the same situation as you. I am sucker to always give help to all like me. Too many are in need of guidance and with all these organizations about, why is there such a need? If so many are saying they take up the charge, why the lack of help? My opinion, too many and I see this with a client of mine want to be "Known" but not doing much to put a dent in the disparities. Many watch what this client does and start their own org. Yet many are not even qualified to be advising. How do you with no husband, kids and life experiences share your truth to those you want to help? Where is your connection?

What happen to the cause? Yes all want their initiative and name to be known, yet the goal is to do what my client does. She shares her truth with the youth she mentors no matter if her friends, family or immediate social circle supports. Letting those you mentor know that this well put together person in front of you has a story. One that is not said in a prophetic ready to put in a post for a great read way. The real stuff that is confided in another, that youth. Like me, I was molested and he did it from the age of seven to sixteen. When many who can relate understand I too was ashamed and blamed myself. You relive the why's through them who are telling you their truth. Majority who were like me told and were silenced, the other travesty in the shame game. I went to my parents and they too asked me to keep it in the family. This is good for the girl who is angry to hear and see one like me that is willing to claim the facts and show that I have done so much since. All while I struggle with demons. No amount of therapy will erase what images come to mind. Just help deal.

This is why those like one who got a hint from one of my posts a few years back went doing a video. It was so fake to me. Like suspected, no other mention the next year publicly as the first share about the initiative? Like it was an opportunist move. The one thing, I did not go in much more then FB vent because if it is her truth that would be the same as those in my family who dismissed my feelings and many still do to this day. Many have to do as I do, move away. For me it was listening to friends say it was stupid for one to allow it. Yet many fail to understand that manipulation, threats, and alienation make it easy. If you are always home with your abuser, labeled trouble which they use to their advantage, and do not have a protective father much can go well for the molester. A child is groomed to accept the behavior that feels weird but who are they going to tell? Then when they do it is all a secret to dispel so the family is not affected. So from a real talk place ones mental is fucked up for a long time. Staying away during holidays because the perpetrator is still around and no one cares to address is my reason for the blow ups. Leaving you to deal with the emotions. One has to learn what works for them.

For me, I just have music and my thoughts I write down as my mind races. I have gotten into Crystal Healing. I go to the beach when thoughts rattle me that are so depressing and let each wave going out take the hurt and confusion away. Man, I started by going in and went into my truth. Yet, many need to understand to really stop all their bashing of another and keep it to the facts not the person. I have many I do not care for who perpetrate but much is covered up because they are not ready to let the world know they are homeless like I have been and have no qualms about sharing. Or my own sexual abuse I let others know when pertinent to. Much of my avoidance in sharing is because more than me was affected and will be effected. Yet, as years go by I find as they do not care for my mental well being to heal, I do not care about their rosy life they want to act like nothing happened in and think it is okay to bring the perpetrators name up. It is like a slap in the face I must deal with and I do. As I deal with all other domino effects due to my leaving and being outcast of the family. Many in it want to front while holding me to forgiving and forgetting a matter that has not been addressed. So my detached nature actually protects me and why I do me.

Everyday I live my truth and share it with those who need to hear it. I am not one making it my platform. I just will be that former driver for an ex that talked to the girls I use to shuttle to the club, manage or take to their private party. All of them would stop dancing or escorting just from the conversations we would have. My ex was not too happy with the resignations, lol. I felt good because many were into what they do because as I, they do not put a value on sex as in emotional connection value. It is just an act as it was when introduced at a young age. Perceptions. Their reply, "You do not act or look like someone who has gone through all you have." Yes, because I am not one to let emotions that I can detach from easily affect the matter at hand. I can get a troubling piece of news and deal with it while I get back to what is at hand which can be work, building something or giving assistance to one.

This is one reason many around me feel I can take much. Yet all the things I dealt with at a young age made me leave at seventeen and also call for my venting my irritations. Yet I cry, it may take me a while for it to come out or years even but I do eventually let it out. I use to think when young crying was for the guilty and weak. Cancer makes me cry more and make me let stress go quicker. I do not "F" with anyone who gets to me. For me it is a sensory, mental reason to get into another time. We all know who we can deal with. So I found what works for me and take my "Nancy Moments". Find your truth and do not let anyone even those you invite into your truth to tell you different. Let their advice be that while you take what works for you.